Exposing Self with Myself through Writting
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Another day of walking here and Assisting Myself to for-give Me and slowly but surely discovering Who I really am - changing and re-educating me to stop patterns and behaviours that I am facing and observing that are not based in Equality for all Principles - being honest and Here in every Breath.
So, again I had another of this dreams where my grandmother appeared - I dream she is dead yes, but she returns here with us - and I was very grateful of having here again with me and I was desiring she could stay more with us and not going again.
This shows that I am not directing myself and having common sense within this situation - I am still directed by my feelings and emotions - memories also - in relation to my grandmother. I am still missing her.
And Correction - How can I miss something that is here? but, I am still wanting to contact her and I get sad when I think that I am not going to see her again - and all based in me in the way I felt when she was here - I miss our visits to the flee-market and to downtown. And I miss sharing with her what I am living and experiencing, and the things I am doing - emotional energy.
But at the same time I breathe and I am grateful that she has leaved her personalities and now she´s here as life.
I am very attached to memories - I still am - and my dreams shows this - and is dumb to be there in my mind when I have my life here and I am not present in every moment, in every Breath.....
And well, is a simple circle of life and Everybody Dies! so Breathe Jessie Breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss my grandmother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I think and remember my grandmother when she was alive - instead of being here in every breath 'remembering' this memories, as what they are - I can change that - but instead of being directed by my feelings and emotions around this memories being here breathing stopping the participation within Energy Movements.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I remember my grandmother.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the desire - as a necessity - of contacting my grandmother to make sure she is alright - having common sense she is no more her personalities, and MCS so she is life and she is here in every breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think - as a way to calm my sadness = Manipulation - that she is on vacations and I will see her someday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use manipulation to calm me - not realizing this is a form of abuse and self-dishonesty - instead of having common sense and accepting she is not 'here' anymore as a physical body so, she doesn´t exist anymore.
I observe here I am not accepting this fully - of she not existing anymore - and my respiratory problems are in some way the manifestation of this sadness and this separation I feel and this sadness around death as a way - a cruel way - of separating us from the people we had here - of everything animals, plants and people I don´t know- even people that are killed every day.
Getting rid of life this way, being so self-careless and dishonest with our physicals and reality that we accept this - death in every breath.
I am also still observing this self-limitation of not giving me permission to cry as a release --- I am 'eating' this sadness as a way to 'never forget'....
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that If I forgive this point I am going to stop remembering her - instead of realizing I am attaching to a 'personality' an 'image' of herself in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still be attached to memories - to the past - feeling that I was better and more happy in that past - when I was little -and now is different, and 'I don´t like' the present - presentation of me - I am still missing what I was as a system - I am not a system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist leaving my past away - cause I was better then - and I miss everything that I was then.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself this way of self-abuse - accepting and allowing separation within me in the form of living in the past instead of being here, breathing here, being here in every moment as breath and stopping my participation withing my MCS as memories and past experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive my past experiences as better than my present - living a constant polarity - instead of being constant here in every breath.
I stop the participation within memories - participating in energy movements inside me - wanting and desiring being there in the past instead of being here.
I am here. I stop this energy movements as feelings and emotions of sadness when I remember my past . my past is gone - I am here in every breath. I breath
I am constant. I am constant in every breath. I stop separation within me - wanting to be in other place instead of her - being self-dishonest and abusive within me and with every one around me as life.
Wanting to change life for MCS.
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